Melrose Place – Pilot

Melrose Place, the cheesy spin-off of Beverly Hills, 90210, receives the “reboot” treatment from The CW tonight. The original show, which I documented in a weekly column “Mental Place”, started as a struggling twentysomething drama before devolving into an evil and soapish morass in its second season. It went on to be a relative hit for FOX but a cast change a few years in spun it out of control.

The inaugural episode of the series reboot has the following TiVo description:

Violet Foster, the newest tenant of an apartment complex in Los Angeles, discovers a bloody corps in the courtyard pool.

And who might that corpse be? To avoid main page spoilers for those who avoid the entertainment media, I’ll put it after the break…It’s that hideous cunt Sydney. Of fuck me jebus, I’ve waited more than a decade for this! Man did I hate that character, and not just because it made no sense that anyone would be physically attracted to that heinous picket-fence-toothed twelve-year-old-boy-body-sporting actress. No, from her first “innocent” appearance she might as well have had “Annoying” written on her forehead. So what we have here is a supposed year-long “mystery” that unfortunately will have Sydny appearing in flashbacks, but I can just use those moments to re-relish her demise.

I’m worried about the show because of the casting. They have that chick from Battlestar Galactica: Razor and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Stephanie Jacobsen, who has a hideous mole-covered face. In standard definition on Razor it wasn’t so bad, but some shots on TTSCC, I had to look away. What’s with all the bad skin? It’s not like she has any boobs or a body to offset the heinous growths sprouting off her face. I thought The CW was all about the hot chicks. Without boobs of course, boobs seem to be a no-no in Hollywood in general, but the CW seems to like ‘em flat as a board. There certainly is no one worthy of Courtney Thorne-Smith in the face or body department.

I’ll save the rest of the ranting for after the show airs. Everyone else?

Tags: cheese, the cw

Author: clubside

I'm so happy 'cuz I'm so stoopid... I'm not the gamer I used to be (this generation just sucks compared to the last) but I still feel the need... the need to rant!